On the drive home from running a half-marathon my daughter asked me, “Dad, did you have fun?” I thought for a moment. Did I have fun pushing myself up steep hills or enjoy the feeling of muscle soreness as repeated to myself, “don’t stop, keep moving forward, whatever you do just keep moving forward”? I responded to her, “No, it wasn’t fun; it was satisfying.” I felt that internal sense of a job well-done that comes from identifying a goal, creating a plan to achieve the goal, and executing the plan. Perhaps the internal feeling I had typifies the difference between fun vs. and satisfaction; between a desire to feel pleasure and a desire to feel fulfilled; between seeking happiness and seeking personal growth.
In western thought, the debate over what constitutes a good life dates back 2,500 years to the ancient Greeks. On one side you have Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. While they disagreed over how to achieve eudaimonia they did agree that a life well lived includes a focus on maximizing our human potential and virtuous action such as courage, self-control, wisdom, and justice. On the other hand, hedonists such as Aristippus and Epicurus believed that pleasure is the only thing that people truly value and so taught that the goal of life was to maximize personal pleasure.
Today, the maximization of personal happiness is the dominant paradigm of western society. We are reminded that we need to look good to feel good; we envy the people who have figured out how to live the four-hour work week; we want the quick hacks to success; we feel like we risk irrelevance or isolation if we do not have the latest technology. Even well meaning advice to follow your passion rings hollow without the reality that following your passion requires sacrifice, failure, persistence, uncertainty, and hard work.
It is not that the feeling of happiness should be avoided. It is just that when we chase happiness we may find ourselves feeling disappointed and farther from happiness. The paradox of the singular quest for happiness is that it can leave us feeling anxious, worn-out, and dissatisfied.